And so it begins...

2010 begins in just over 12 hours. To commemorate this, I am taking a moment to share a bit of myself at this moment, a snapshot of the person who has decided to spend the next year chasing the most immeasurable of goals, joy.

If nothing else, 2009 has been the year that has proved to me just how much I sabotage myself. I eat too much. I dwell too much. I sit too much. I sleep too little. I do all of these things because at the moment they occur, they seem insurmountable. I must eat, because it is the only thing I can think of to stop the dwelling. I must dwell, because I am already dwelling and it seems too hard to stop. I must sit, because I am too tired because I slept too little. I slept too little because I dwelled too much.

Life broke in, however, with a couple glaring warning signs to tell me that these patterns must stop. My boss talked to me about my absences from poor sleeping, and insisted I see a doctor. The doctor told me that I must reduce my carbs and sugar, because my cholesterol is too high--and to go get a sleep study. I responded by gaining another 10 lbs before I finally made it into the sleep clinic, where I got the dreaded diagnosis--sleep apnea.

So here I am, 32 years old, female, having just broken 200 pounds for the first time in my life, exhausted, achy, and depressed about where I've ended up.

I am determined to change this.

This is not a typical "Weight loss" resolution--though, yes, weight loss will have to be part of it. This is about me realizing the potential in me for happiness. Because there's a whole other side of me that isn't represented in the statistics. That side of me has an amazingly supportive boyfriend, three hilarious animals, a great house, a good job, interests and opinions and, most importantly, the desire to be a peaceful, joyful person.

To that end, I am establishing a set of goals and habits to work on for the year to come. Once the list is finalized, I will post it here.

Here's to a year of joyful living!